chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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