K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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