I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
