you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
