Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
