I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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