so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Its about making memories worth repressing
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
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The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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