Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
