Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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