everyone is single if you try hard enough
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
