so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just had sex bonerless
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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