i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
