just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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