Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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