when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize