is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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