I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
