so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
