I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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