I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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