I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
