I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
