What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
