i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
