when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
