ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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