I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
