Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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