LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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