i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
