Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
