I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
