This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
