She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
