I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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