I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
