wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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