He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
