3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Pooping to opera.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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