i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
