i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
