3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
