Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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