she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
