It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
