i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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