Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize