Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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