Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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