she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
