Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
