If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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