Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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