Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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