on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
