Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I need moral support for this bender
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
