If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
