Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
