Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
