is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
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captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And then my night got REAL pukey
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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