You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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