they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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