My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
