if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
