im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
